No, everything's not fine.
And I am not okay.
Yes, I am lying to you and I am not ashamed to say.
Everything's not fine
but the reason I choose to say so, is because I don't think it would really make me feel any better to pour this out to you and watch as you fumble through your pockets from some crumb of advice that never really feeds me.
It's not that I'm just tired
or had a long day
or am just generally stoic at the moment.
Everything's not fine.
But what can I tell you when I don't know why I cry everyday and I don't know why I can't scream and I don't know why I haven't written a decent poem in over a fucking month or why I felt the need to use an expletive and I have no answers so what can I tell you.
I am so angry
and so tired
and so generally stripped of emotion
that is doesn't matter anymore
that everything's not fine
it's a normal state of affairs
I'm not asking you to fix me
I'm not ever asking you to notice anymore
but I just wanted to scream
(in the manner that typing eradically is screaming)
for just a moment or two
and be safe in the satisfaction that you'll never read this anyway, even though you could, even though you should, even though I want you to, and even if you do you response will be empty and it won't put a dent in reality.

03/15/2002

Posted on 03/15/2002
Copyright © 2025 Betania Tesch