I know how this will end,
Hopefully not so messy
as your predecessors chose,
but still.
You are my friend,
you were before,
and I hope you will stay as such,
after the fact.
I set my resolve,
I will tell you
how I feel
and like all the rest
you will look at me
and think to yourself
'God why does this happen to me?'
I've been beaten,
and bruised by men my whole life
why should you be any different?
So when I tell you
don't try to hide what you are really thinking
tell me straight out.
BUT DO NOT LIE!!!
i hate being lied to
like some two year old child.
Do you think it is going to make me feel better when in the long run it comes to light that you did not even love me enough or trust me enough or think me strong enough to tell me the truth?
I am strong,
you should know that
if nothing else by now!
I rarely cry,
I don't think you have ever seen me cry at all,
it scares people when I cry,
they are never quite sure what to do,
I am always the one comforting,
the one who doesn't care
the one who is hard against the blowing of the wind,
when I cry,
then they see the truth,
and while no one likes the truth,
we all need it.
Please love,
When I tell you,
don't get angry,
how I feel is no punishment for you,
I never intend these things,
I hate driving people to the brink of insanity.
When I tell you that I love you,
just slowly back away,
don't make eye contact or any sudden movement and you should be fine.
You are my friend,
and I hate to jeopardize that,
I really do,
and maybe it is horribly selfish of me to tell you,
but I am a selfish person,
we all are when you get down to it.
I will tell you
and when you turn to run
I will pray with every breath I can offer
that you are not running away forever.
I need you
even if we never are more thatn friends, I need that ability you have
to make my world right,
and me beautiful,
and important
and loved.
The others,
they were like you,
only not so strong,
I suppose I am hoping that strength
may allow this trespass against intelligence,
I don't want to loose you,
I know how this will end,
my heart on the floor,
dropped in the attempted exchange as you recoil from such a twisted unrecognizable thing,
don't think fo one second
that I am angry with you,
or that you have hurt me.
Or that I consider you any less of a friend,
don't be 'wierd'
I hate that ,
that is the part that makes me angry,
and don't think you have something to hold over me,
that is what kills the friend ship.
The chioce is ultimately up to you though
You can make this as messy as you want,
I will survive,
in some form.
After all
I already know how this will end.

02/01/2002

Posted on 02/01/2002
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