My heart has a will of its own,
one I am no closer to understanding now
than I was years ago.
Unpredictable in its choices,
its timing, too, is unexpected...
and most often unfortunate.
It is not a steady thing.
No, not constant, my heart.
It changes its fancy
with an irregularity
that would better belong
in the lottery.
It waits until I've gotten just close enough
and said all the things that promise a future
before it latches onto new prey,
making it all the more painful
for the discarded carrion
and all the more confusing for me.
The promises of a future
are not just for them,
but for me as well
and my heart breaks itself
with its own flippancy
time and time again.
I would think that with the variety
of choices along the way,
it would find contentment somewhere...
satiation...satisfaction...peace.
But it has proved unceasing in its search,
driven by a fierce need within,
and I think maybe it will never rest
until it meets its match.

01/18/2002

Posted on 01/18/2002
Copyright © 2025 Amanda J Cobb