The way it carves you
into something,
not beautiful
but sad.

Very sad.

The way it tells you
what your worth,
pound by pound,
till you are nothing.
Till your hands shake out
the rythmn of your heart,
but they do not feed you.
You will not let them.

You dont remember feeling
good.
Only empty.
And empty is such a heavy feeling.
You remember ashes on your tongue,
and the image of
yourself in the mirror,
but not who you are.
Not who you should be.
You remember yourself
shrinking
because that is all
you have done
(the only good thing you have done)
for the last three years.

Shrinking away from
everyone.
Shrinking away from your
skin
and your bones
and rape
and hate
from the feeling of being
used
from being necessary
from being productive
and creative.
From being loved by those
who do love you,
from loving them back.
From giving yourself
back
and giving to yourself.
From loving anything
that ever came from you....

That is what you are running from.

You are hungry for life
but you deny it.
ALWAYS DENY.

..always.
Deny.

01/15/2002

Posted on 01/15/2002
Copyright © 2024 Vikki Owens