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breadcrumbs.
by Brynn Dizack
for gretyl
they say that
a l c o h o l i s m
lives inside you always
and he was talking about the
monkey on your shoulder who
[ when you stop drinking ]
freezes your age there while
you keep growing and your
disease just keeps on expanding
in the corner while you're
p r e o c c u p i e d
with life.
and i wonder if you still d r i n k
and i wonder if you ever t h i n k about
re-adopting your m.o.n.k.e.y.now.g.o.r.i.l.l.a
were you born with a drugaddictbrain?
he was talking walking pacing around his desk [ difficult subject matter ]
picking you apart ( using only pronouns ) but it was Y O U he was discussing [ gretyl ]
and you . were . there
(there) your hair just as r a d i a n t as it was
this morning when you woke up
and i told you it was snowing
and you said,
"i don't know how i feel about that right now."
and i said,
"right?"
and you said,
"right?"
and we l a u g h e d.
but you weren't always laughing [ don't be angry]
i wondered how much c.r.y.i.n.g you did in r.e.h.a.b
i even wondered what your r.e.h.a.b journals say
but i didn't look at them while you were in the bathroom
just so you know [ just so you know ]
i also said nothing [ don't be angry ]
when you lit up on the way home
nine days . eight days after new years'
eight days after your resolution to q.u.i.t.
but i wondered [ i wondered ]
(he said, "we're losing the war on alcoholism.")
but you know what?
i haven't kept my new years' resolutions so far either and so
i'm not mad at you, gretyl, i'm not mad...
my teacher was still talking, he said
NINETYFIVE PERCENT OF ALCOHOLICS ARE WORKING AND FUNCTIONING PEOPLE
and you were listening but you stared at the wall
blank eyes; your lips closed, your hair was down and
when he mentioned the disease's p e r m a n e n c e
you got up and sat in his chair
l o o k i n g a t h i m
in your thick sweater;
i know you were wearing an ani difranco shirt underneath because it's the
same outfit you had on this morning when you got up the
same outfit you had on last night when you crashed at my house
it was great. i had so much fun;
and nothing. gretyl. in your past could overshadow
or deny what you are now
a hero - because you have
touched us.
touched me.
put our tears in a cup
and raise a toast
y o u s e e
i think if i were you
you are just who i'd be.
01/13/2002 Posted on 01/13/2002
Copyright © 2024 Brynn Dizack
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