Still she avoids facing it,
saying that he died
or passed away...
"Amanda's father died unexpectedly"...
No, he didn't die.
Dying is what happens
when a life ends because
of natural causes.
My father did not die -
he's dead, yes,
he's deceased,
but he did not die
of any natural cause
but his own depression.
He killed himself
with his own hand,
in his own bed,
in his own house -
my house.
Our house.
Her house.
There are cold, hard facts
forever staring her in the face -
she sleeps in that very room!
Yet she persists in saying he died.
I don't know which is sadder -
her long denial of the truth
or the realization that for the first time
I wrote about my father without crying.

01/08/2002

Posted on 01/08/2002
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