i have no roots anymore

no roots of which to speak
or treat
entreat
it as i may
or might have in the future
course of time
so goodbye
to you
Mary-Kay
Mary-Kay with six husbands
along the way
every day
new treat
new treat
with which
you could have played
Mary-Kay

i'll miss you, crazy bastard,
crazy bastard
with the lemon pies
in the face
the crazy lies
that surround
this place
surround
and circle
around
my father
my uncle
my aunt
you just can't
stop, can you,
Mary-Kay,
the lying
the crying
now the dying
the dying
that's been going on
inside
for too long
too long
but we've been strong
and gotten through
been strong
and conquered you
been strong through the years
and tears
the fears
of passing years
bleary
dismal dripping day
near the end of Bishop's grade
at the house
of Mary-Kay

i still have the calendar
from my year of birth
found it at the house
couldn't let it go
who knows
when i might have needed it
again
some day
with the diaries
and pens
the government uses only
draws my pictures now
or did for years
anyhow
and now just sits
on the desk
collecting dust...
musty smell of
travel books...
i remember...
and plastic bags
that smelled of mildew
dirt
and root
i have no roots to speak of

you've all gone and left me all alone
no one there
to answer the phone
or come to the phone
or yell at the phone
or just groan
and ask what the hell that ringing is
(that ringing's me,
grandma, grandpa--
never knew me, but it's me--
Aunt T knew me
but she's gone,
knew me, but not for long,
for she
burned in a fire
years ago
the wheelchair tires
melting on the rims
as she struggled with the door--
aren't you glad,
Mary-Kay,
you didn't live with her anymore?)
but now you're gone
the last of the lot
a lot
of parents passed along the way
appearance seemed to change
from day to day
appearance
disposition
all the same
at least to me, i say
oh colicky alcoholic
Mary-Kay

now there's no one left for me
you took away my connection
ended my pitiful session
before i had a chance
and now you've left me stranded
with no roots to even speak of

and i never even knew your love






for my grandmother,
Mary-Kay Wilson, who left this earth on 4 November 2001. Wherever she is, I hope she's finally happy.

11/08/2001

Posted on 11/08/2001
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