ever notice by Devon E MattysHave you ever noticed that trying something new is like walking towards a streetlamp? You never see your shadow as you approach, but only as you leave do you find yourself again, and you grow and grow until you come to something new again and you have to lose yourself to find yourself and you can't just go on having the same one experience-- you can't walk forever in the light of one lamp-- you must keep walking, keep finding new lights, new experiences... or else you lose yourself to the darkness that surrounds the spill of a lamp.
And sometimes loving is like reading in the dark. It's not something everyone does or wants to do or even thinks about doing: it's something that when you first start, you can't imagine why you're doing it or how you can continue, and it hurts and stings so badly you want to stop... but if you just sit back, let things adjust for a moment, you can look down and suddenly see words. And at first it hurts at times, yes, but so does everything unnatural, and after a while, though, it becomes easier... you begin to read better and soon you don't notice the pain. Then, when someone turns on the light to ask you what you're doing sitting in the dark, you look down at the page and it's impossible to comprehend the mess of lines crowding the leaf, and, closing your book, you suddenly wish for the dim light that once bathed your page in amber. You murmur simply that you were resting, and the light goes out again and you sit in the cool for a moment, and then you thumb through the dog-eared pages to find your place and continue.
And people really are chipmunks, as far as I'm concerned. We all twitch and move and miss beats of daily life like chipmunks darting to and fro, like chipmunks swiveling their heads so fast that we miss a beat just watching them. And one minute they're here and the next minute, they're there and no one ever sees them move because they miss the beats of the rest of the world, madly hopping to and fro-- one minute they're uptown, the next minute, they're downtown. And we really are just chipmunks... and isn't that a metaphor? You ask. A metaphor for something great? And golly, child, I don't know... This time you've out-thunk me and I just don't know what to say, what to think.
It's easier to feign ignorance than to take the time to think... and so we're all just chipmunks, reading the dark until we come to the streetlamps that hiss and whistle in the cold, and the light spooks us so, hurts our eyes, and away we dart dart dart... away missing beats, losing threads... all too common in this world... and so excuse me now... there's some squirrel I must torment across the field. Give me a blink and I'll be there.
11/04/2001 Posted on 11/04/2001 Copyright © 2024 Devon E Mattys
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