I cannot make
it go away.
I cannot make it easy,
make it safe...
I cannot say no,
no matter how many times
I play it over in my head....

I cannot stop feeling
how it felt to be ripped
apart.

And where were you?
Should I not blame you
for not knowing me then?
For not loving me and saving
me when
another man was raping me?

Should I not be angry at myself?
Should I not hate myself for
all the things I should
have done but didnt,
for all the things
I did
but shouldnt have?
For the life I took
but wouldnt have, had the situation
given me half a chance?

Should I eat?
When I have come so close,
should I eat only because I'm
dying?
Does that not defeat my purpose?
Should I save my life
by trusting you?

My dreams are spent
underneath him.
I feel his sweat on me
like a dirt I will never
remove.
No matter how small I get,
no matter how angry,
no matter how sad
no matter
no matter....

10/24/2001

Posted on 10/24/2001
Copyright © 2024 Vikki Owens