here is who i was as i piled the stones
along the river bank, tipping the scale of the delta
with tin.

here is who i was as i gathered the shells.

here is who i was as i tilted my head back and shed
my skin like water,
& here is who i was as i skid my feet against the cement.

here is who i was as i followed the guard rail
around the bend of the mountain,
my hand like a tire keeping me steady
i did not lose my footing or my grasp
of the concept.

here is who i was as i slid my legs around your waist,
here is how i was at a loss, here is how
you protested slightly in light of the ferris wheel
at the horizon, a silver cup clanging with change.

here is the alley, the place we call home,
my finger kissing the rim of the mug, the bracket of the window.

here is the crab grass beneath us.
here is how i cannot stop bringing you in to it.

here is the mistletoe, the pumpkin pie, the thimble
of brandy. here is the fresh bottle of scotch,
the cool retch of vodka, the way we would say the word 'bury'
but never in the context of bodies, or death.

here is where you interrupt me & say,
but what did you give to the earth.

here is where i tell you about the syntax
of my veins. how, when i was young,
which i, of course, no longer am, i would empty
my blood in to the soil.

here is where you respond by saying,
& in the matter of
course, there is also the matter of direction,
the matter of balconies & also
of skin, & the terminally ill.

here is where i say, yes, but
you've forgotten love.

here is who i was, how i was holding your head back,
stroking your forehead, the splotches
where your skin'd given way to the sun, the places
where you'd grown brown on the edges,
like a fried egg. here is how i pet your hair
falling out.

here is how i tried to keep you from drowning.

here is the cave, eyes clawed free from seeing,
arms flung about in rhetoric.
here is who i was as i drug my body through the creek.
here is the path i followed to reach
the bottom of the canyon.
here is where i, too, was carved out by a river.

here is who i was in the summer,
here is who i was in the fall. here is the
endless cascade of second by second, of narrow fields,
staunch as sails.
here is the fable, the myth, the god.
here is how i kneel, how i make you come
in to my mouth,
how it seems to me you are a voice trying to
trying to, trying to break free
of my gut.

& here is the erosion of land by air
& here is the erosion of land by water

& here is how i tried to keep you from drowning.

10/24/2001

Posted on 10/24/2001
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