I am sitting here at my desk...thinking of you AGAIN
I see the Valentine you sent me sitting in the letter holder in front of me
I reach out and touch the letters in my name and address...as if by some miracle touching those letters would be the same as touching you...
It still amazes me to think you wrote them...Your hands held the pen that wrote MY name.
Do you know how amazing it feels to realize that?
I think it seems so wonderful to me...becuase in order to write my name...you had to be thinking about me
There had to be some image of me in your mind at some point
Hell I can't even look at your name without thinking of you...
Sitting right next to the Valentine is a picture of you and I...during much happier times.
Times when you and I were close...but I knew there was no chance in hell for us to ever be together...
Times when I was happy just being in love with you
Then we "dated"...if that's what you still want to call it.
It was then you gave me hope...and only five months later, shot it down.
But Gene, the hope was not easily lost..in fact, once you gave me that slightest bit of hope you made me believe that you CAN love me...
The hope won't go away now
Don't you see?
It lingers in my mind, my heart, my soul
There had to be something you liked about me Gene...SOMETHING
Otherwise you wouldn't have bothered
I can't let go of that hope Gene
I try to tell myself to hate you (There is no way in hell that will ever happen)
I try to tell myself that you aren't worth this pain (but you are...oh you so are)
I try to keep hoping that you'll find that something in me that you saw once before...the something that made you want to be with me...the soemthing that turned my entire world around...the somethign that made me happy for the first time in my life
I try to convince myself that it's over, but it's not...it can't be
There has to be more to it than this...right?
Is all of this hope a false hope?
Is everything I am wishing for utterly impossible to give me?
Everything that you are...everything you'll be...it all makes me love you
And I love you not only for what you are, but also for everything you make me.
You make me a better person.
You made me feel like I was "someone" for the first time in my life!
How could you just rip that all away from me?...And bring me back to the shy, depressed, lonely girl I started out as?
I am nothing with out you Gene...Surely you can see what I have become...
A sad, helpless fool...still desperately in love with you.

09/20/2001

Posted on 10/20/2001
Copyright © 2024 Melanie A Bennett