Your number...held up by a single tack...hangs on my wall...never being used
Me being too damn afraid, or too damn stubborn to keep this up
Why do I have to be the only one who cares here?
Why can't you care at least a little bit?
I know...it's just not possible...God forbid we let our guard down for a single second to give me some sort of clue as to what you are feeling...
What do you want to happen here?
I can't keep playing these guessing games with you...I can't
Tell me Gene...is it so hard?
Is it that difficult to love?
I apologize for coming into your life and making things so difficult...
Am I expecting too much from you? Or are you willing to give me too little? Or are we at some sort of happy medium here? (Well I suppose "happy" would not be the right word to use...would it?)
Slowly sucking the life from me
Whatever life I have left that is not already consumed by you
You are everywhere...even when you're not
My thoughts, my feelings, everything is taken over by you
You have taken things from me taht I am not so sure you would even recognize taking...
If it is not love that I ma feeling for you, then please tell me what it is?
Many people may believe that it is entirely impossible for me to "love" you. I mean we really aren't anything...are we?
I have known you for two years now...but do I really KNOW you? No...not really
I know what it's like to work with you...I know what it's like to have your arms around me (your nearness takes my breath away)...I know what your lips taste like on mine
But there is so much more to know...so much more that I am afraid you are not willing to share.
Do you realize how badly I want to give you this poetry or these thoughts I write about you?
But I can't...The fear that you will be just like "the others" stands way above my desire to share these things with you
"The Others" who think I am "obsessive" (oh how I hate and despise that word)
"The Others" who tell me I don't know what love is (how the hell do they know what I am feeling?!)
"The Others" who simply avoided me because of what I have written...or how I have felt (I would never be able to stand it if you...of all people avoided me)
So I can not share these feelings with you...as much as I truely want to...I can't
I went into BK today...
With all intentions of asking for my job back
But you were there
I couldn't do it
See these past few weeks...you haven't called...you haven't made any type of effort to get in touch with me whatsoever...So what am I supposed to think?
I can't possibly convince myself anymore that you could develop the same feelings I have...
Not when you don't care enough to bother with me...
At least when I worked there I got to see you...I got to be close to you
I wanted that back
I wanted to be able to be near you again...
This had been a neverending battle for me
Not sure which choice woudl work out better for me...
It seems I'd see you a lot more if I worked there again...
But the way I WANT to see you is outside of work...
I want to be able to hold you...to hear your heart beating with mine...
I still don't understand...why did we start this in the first place?
I understand how I felt
I understand why I gave you that letter
But Gene, why did you respond the way you did?
Tell me please...
Explain to me how you feel...
I need to hear those words
What words you ask?
I don't care
Any words will do...as long as they come from behind your lips
Your sweet soft lips which I long to kiss again...
But will it happen again?
Or will it only be something in the past?
Something I have to convince myself actually happened...?
Or will it only be a distant memory...fading ever so slowly from my very existance?

04/28/2001

Posted on 10/20/2001
Copyright © 2024 Melanie A Bennett