So, this morning I am remembering that
I have a life (or at least a living death)...
I am remembering that as far as I run, I'm always running away from this, and back to it at the same time,
that this house will
always hold me
no matter how I change myself,
no matter what stainless steel
gauge 14
sutures/reinforcements I shove through
my skin,
no matter what kind of
inked
talismans
I pay to have put there, I am still myself
under all this too-abundant flesh...and I will still be trapped with these memories. Smashing my bird-wings against the glass of my body....

So, I am remembering how talentless I am, how frigid and unbendable, how clingy and dependant on the love of those around me. I am remembering that I have a strong tendency to ruin everything with my melodramatic manic-depressiveness........

10/05/2001

Posted on 10/05/2001
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