I dont take well to change, good or bad.
Im glad the sites back up, though i still feel the loss of all my poetry. My Fault.
A lot of things have changed with me, with my life. Things ill just have to get accustomed to.
My little brother went to boot camp today. It hurts, i didnt want to see him go. The same little person that built me castles with legos, scared me with all the frightening little buggies he'd dig out of the back yard, is off to join the navy, and i wont be seeing him for awhile.
Driving over to my fathers, packing all his stuff so i could take it to my house so my father wouldnt trash it, burn it, or have it stolen/broken by wretched little creatures i call step siblings. How could he be so cold about this, laughing and being happy with his new family, while i sweat down the stairs with the burdens of his sons memory. He was more my son than his.
One of the few, small reasons i stay in this life, this place, is gone, and i dont know what to do.
Fall is here, so are shivers in the night, new hair color to match the falling leaves, a patched up pair of jeans to rake leaves in. I dont take well to change.
My mother sent me a message. I havent spoken to her in several months. I think theres a reason. I ll find that reason when im old. All those years of false shelter and crude behavior towards her own children. I "would never amount to anything".... Im not forty something, borderline schizophrenic, living with my mother.
I cant even remember how old my own mother is.
Does everyone leave me?
I dont like change.

09/24/2001

Posted on 09/24/2001
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