fear;
abject, irrational fear
debilitating, strangling
horrible in its effectiveness
a demon inside me --
vile antithesis to heavenly
dreamscape, nighttime
visions of angels --
(I, now not alone, would weep,
but can't, all tears
having been expended long ago
for my Wormwood,
tears that fell like
biblical truths
half-believed by former pedagogues,
a rain of broken innocence
when Jezabel slept)
and when God frowns down
upon me, angry
my fear is given a face --
as beautiful as any seraph --
and suddenly I understand
(lonely full-moon nights, when
jupiter and saturn are the
eyes of God, have a way
of opening the souls of the damned
with this Bacchian gift to Man,
and granting him a glimpse
of Certainty -- fuck Heisenberg)
why you're afraid of Zion,
an understanding born of empathy.
I learn to hate
these dissonent chains
of dread component,
given by Fate to me --
her pipe, her whore --
foetid ropes that turn
me to a harlequin
(scaramouche dreamdancer)
but there's no money in that.
Weary like apathy,
I float again through Kadath,
and find shelter there,
because the flood waters
will be great when you become
the salt to my frozen heart
(thalassophobic me).

09/23/2001

Posted on 09/23/2001
Copyright © 2024 Gary Hoffmann