I'm sitting here as I watch the screen go by, hypnotized by the flickering lights from the monitor. Numb from the dagger that ripped into my heart like a two-ton truck smashing into a VW Bug. Finding out the information that I didn't need to know, but wanted to know. Blood is thicker than water they say, but the Blood chills me to the bone.

Wanting to curl up into a nice warm ball and never wake up to this madness that swirls about me, draining into a typhoon tunnel down the tub. Rinsing it all away, leaving me with nothing left to feel. The pain in the center of me, pulsates with each beat of my heart, feeling like an elephant sitting on my chest and me laying there with my labored breathing.

The dam in front of my eyes, keeps wanting to break. Holding it back by the fears and ghosts around me, afraid they will stare me down and hold me in contempt. Being stronger than Mr. Universe himself, in regards to my feelings and emotions. Using an anesthetic to keep this contained. Numbing me in every way. Hoping to be numbed as if swabbed with a giant alcoholic drink, pouring through my pores to permeate my veins and travel through to my nervous system.

Again, I stare blankly, listlessly as if injected with Prince Valium who rescues me in my sleeplessness. Carrying me off into my non nightmaric dreams. I breathe a sigh, a deep heavy sigh, praying that this septic tank life of mine will be drained clean for once. The stench reaching the pigs, and them squealing in repulse.

Spiraling before my eyes, I see my life take a hefty ride on the merry-go-round, the horses mocking me, knowing their direction. I unsure about this map with the Legend I am unable to read and comprehend. My intelligence sucked dry by the emotionless voice I have created for myself. To feel nothing, an untter blissful delight.

09/20/2001

Posted on 09/20/2001
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