The Journal of Nikki Benson

Why is it so hard to stop caring???
01/10/2006 11:29 p.m.

You are forcing me to hate you. Yet, I feel really bad that I hurt you. You hurt me too. I’ve made it clear how I feel. You keep pressing the issue. I still just want to call you and tell you that I am sorry for hurting you! But I meant every word I said… I never want to see you again! I just want a story book goodbye. The more time goes on the more I realize this isn’t a ferry tail. I am never going to have the tearful kiss goodbye and that just be it. All my love for you is being pushed into frustration and hatred in desperation for closure and to get release from this inertia! I hate loving you. I hate hating you. I just hate you…

I am currently Depressed
I am listening to Zero 7

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