Disorderly boredom
11/04/2004 05:53 p.m.
For lack of better things or people to do, I find myself everyday wandering in and out of consciousness, slipping in and out of class, carrying sporadic online conversations, ignoring those talking to me in person, neglecting my little chihuahua american, searching my computer files, smoking marijuana, masturbating, forgetting to eat, eating foods that are not healthful but so delicious, playing with my earrings, cursing middle America, laughing at the irony of our President re-elect, getting lost in the mesmerizing propaganda of the Foxs News Channel, picking my nose, listening to music--without really listening, constantly assuring myself that I'm better than I make out to be, emphasizing the importance of social interraction while denying myself concurrently, aimlessly writing down thoughts in hopes to spur inspiration enough to write a poem, obsessing over the temporarily unattainable, estranging myself from people who love me--merely because they no longer interest me nor intrigue me, questioning my own life choices, wondering what I have done to cause my current situations, placing undue burdens on my heart because it is in my nature to do so, researching trivial--yet mesmerizing material such as astrology or current pop-culture trends, being superficial when it comes to attractiveness, pulling apart people I care about or are interested in--exposing their weaknesses--failing to overlook them unless they first overlook mine, longing for love, and finally diagnosing my likely disorders, never once questioning their possible onset.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Portishead