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05/22/2015 10:09 p.m.

I always pay attention to how new people in my life honor or dishonor the people from their past. Do they speak of their journey with those in the past in derogatory ways? Or do they speak of the sadness of having to let go in kind terms? Do they rage on about some sort of retaliation they still wish to bring down on those people from the past, or the retaliation they enacted, or do they talk about what they learned and how they hope the other person is doing well now?

Generally speaking, no one is ever hoping that a relationship will need to end, even a new one. But sometimes they must. And we have all experienced ended relationships. It's how we speak about those endings that can offer insight into how we go forward.
For me, speaking in severely negative or derogatory terms about a person or persons from the past is a red flag if the retelling of the experience doesn't involve what was learned and how the healing from it is progressing.

And as I write this, I'm suddenly aware of needing to take my own temperature, too. How do I recount those past experiences that broke my heart? Am I taking adequate responsibility for my part in whatever dysfunction was present? Do I wish those involved in the past encounter well? What language do I use when I re-tell those stories? My thoughts on this certainly seem to be offering an opportunity for inward reflection!