where a poem comes from
09/02/2006 06:51 a.m.
it's just hit me. because it's 2:30 in the morning and Micheaux's asleep. we talked earlier. I even saw him earlier today. we're ok. there's nothing pressing I need to tell him. but I'm thinking about him. I can't call and wake him up, that'd be silly. I don't want to leave a message for him on facebook or myspace and look like crazy stalker girl. but I'm sitting here at 2:30 in the morning and I'm thinking about him to the point where I might burst if I don't somehow make contact with him. and I'm feeling familiar and I'm realizing that this is how I felt all through middle school and high school. flagrantly emotional but sadly detatched from those I'm feeling emotional about. so what is there left to do but write? that's why so many of my poems come out over the top. because I'm in a moment where my head is bursting with thoughts all about one person and I can't tell them about it. and really, even if he were here, the most I'd be able to do is poke him enthusiastically. cause you can't look somebody in the face and go,

"your expressive
and beautiful
(yes, you're beautiful)
face
is haunting me
searching for me
always
tattooed inside
my eyelids

and your hands
that so strongly clasp mine
even when you're sleeping
that touch me so softly
even when I'm sleeping
they're around me
though you're miles away,"

...centimeters in the case of the enthusiastic poking versus breaking out in poetry...

"perfect brows
and eyes so beautiful
(yes, your dark eyes are beautiful)
I am fainting inside
over and over
head banging against
the floor
the wall
the headboard
whatever

...that's not as suggestive as it might sound. we joke about that a lot. it's just one of those inside things you throw into a poem to pump up the emotional reaction of the subject...

you keep me guessing
you keep me hopeful
I wish you'd just keep me,"

...sorry Koye, that's a nod to you. if you can take phrases from Bjork and Tori Amos and PJ Harvey, I figure I can rework a phrase of yours...

"so come to me again
and leave me like a rainstorm,"

...if I add "would" to the end of that, it becomes obviously sexual, so let's leave that out...

"and splashing in puddles
comprised entirely of
those tiny beads of sweat
that sometimes form
directly on your temples

because if I can't have the whole
I just want pieces of you
to tide me over."

I mean. because. how does someone react to that? I know the exact face Micheaux would make and it'd make me feel like a complete doofus. even if he wouldn't mean it like that. it still would. and who wouldn't breaking into verse like this is some kind of musical?

but you know what? I think he'd still kinda like it.

eh.
I am currently Thunderstruck