Religion... (another email exerpt)
04/08/2002 12:52 a.m.
...I don't know why I never really bought into the whole religion thing. I
mean, I have gone to "church" before, but never with my parents and it
was always my choice. I guess I was kind of on the fence about the
whole thing for a long time. I guess its like I feel like there should
be something, but I wanna know. And Flannery O'Connor wrote, that faith
isn't like that, you don't have to see to believe. Its because you
believe that you know.
Well, I just couldn't do that, and when my grandpa got sick it made me
question a lot and I was still on the fence about the whole thing. Then
at his memorial service this pastor guy was speaking. And he turned my
grandpa's memorial into a fucking bible reading. He said like two
things about my grandpa. And one of the two things was that "even
though he didn't attend a specific church, he was a religious man." And
that is bullshit. My grandpa was not a religious man. And that guy
stood up there quoting all this bible shit and I just sat there,
crying, wondering, "what the fuck does this shit have to do with my
grandpa?" And I figured it out, not a fucking thing. The whole idea
that we have to know where we come from and what we should believe is
all crap. We don't have to know. I believe that something greater may
be responsible for all of creation, its just too much for science to
handle. But I think we put too much stock into the whole thing. We are
because we are. Thats all that should matter.
We walk around this miserable plain of existance until we die. When we
die we are gone. Hopefully somewhere nice, but we shouldn't worry about
it, because if we lived our life instead of spending time throwing our
pennies into a damn collection plate inside a fancy building, then
whatever is after will be worth it. We should all be enjoying what is
here, all that is beautiful, blue skies, a cool breeze, the bright sun,
and baby's eyes. That is what pushes me to keep any faith at all.
Staring into Adam's eyes, or Jessie's eyes. And you see that detail
inside, all that greatness in an area smaller then a dime.
I am currently Indifferent