Wasting time (from an email to a friend)
03/04/2002 05:05 p.m.
I've been weird lately...I have had a really strange feeling lately. Like this burning in my chest, much different from the other seering pain I'm used to (both in my heart and my lungs) but its like I have some potential that I'm not using and it driving me crazy. I can't figure out what it is though. I try to write out a poem and its still there, I try to write a story and it doesn't help, I feel like I'm trapped in my own heart and I can't get out. It has to be something but I don't know what it is. Grrrr. At least I'm feeling again though, it hit me this weekend really hard. It was like midnight and I was at my dad's house, watching Conspiracy Theory (such a good movie) and it just sunk into my chest. I felt like I was going to cry it hurt so much. Its like I'm wasting something in every breath I take but don't do something.
I think maybe my heart is waking back up from its time of numbness and it is in high gear and wants all these feelings to come out but there are so many they all can't get out. That could be it, but I'm not sure.
Oh well, I guess I'll find out or not, whatever.
I am currently Anxious