So far....
11/21/2001 04:19 p.m.
Well, so far so good I guess.
Started my therapy yesterday,
we didn't really get into anything, but I filled out some information on my health lately and my therapist asked me a bunch of questions about how I've been feeling.
I don't really know how this is going to turn out, but I'm trying to think positively and try to put all the bad shit behind me.
Still I feel strange about going to therapy, I don't want to tell anyone I am. It makes me feel weak or something. Like I can't fix my own fuckin problems so I have to go get help, its kind of frustrating.

Anyway, when I was filling out the health info I kind of scared me. Because I had to check what symptoms I've been having either within the last 2 weeks or the last year. And I damn near checked everything in the past two weeks. There was Dizziness, Chills, Sweats, Headaches, Loss of motivation, Loss of Sexual Pleasure, Thoughts of Suicide/Death, and just a ton of stuff and I think the only I didn't check at all was Drug/Substance Abuse, and that surprised my therapist, me being a college student and all.

I hope I can get through this, and not be like I was/am any more.
Regardless of who betrayed me, I am sorry for the way things turned out, and I realize my part in the whole thing. That doesn't mean I am not still angry, because I am, and I have to restrain the immense flow of anger that tries to break free whenever I think about any of them or see any of them. Its hard to, but I manage, because I don't need to get in trouble for beating the hell out of some punk that is drying off my car. But sometimes I really would like to.
Maybe my therapy will help these urges, but I'm not so sure.
I am currently Better