Hello, world
07/09/2002 11:56 p.m.
OK... so here I am. I'm not so sure about writing in this public place for all the world to see. Poems are one thing, but this journal business is something else. No mask of powerful words organized in some meaningful way to symbolize something about this life. Just me. Just my messed up head and heart jumbled together here rambling on. I don't even know where to begin except to say that I'm afraid this site may end up being my therapy. That's frightening. I guess that makes you my doctors -- at least you are reading me for free. You are likely to find some disturbing things here if I keep this up. Then again, I may just chikcen out and fire you before we even get started. My usual tactic for living is avoidance. Flee. Run away. Hide. Oh, if you only knew. But for today, I am still a mystery. The sordid tale I tell may remain my secret for a later novel deal, as a friend once suggested! I'm laughing now. Smiling. I have a young friend who longs for adventure and newness and openness. I am yearning for the simplicity of my childhood. How did things get so complicated so quickly? How can I possibly be 28 years old already? I miss the little girl I used to be. She was so strong and fearless. And now there's all this doubt and worry. When did I become such a shell of myself? Which incident was it that brought me here? And how do I overcome it? I've played Landslide about forty times today. The line that echoes is: "I don't know." That pretty much sums it all up. I think it was Frost who, in his old age and infinite wisdom, said he could summarize everything he learned about life in three words: "It goes on." Amen, brother Frost, but where is it going? Where am I going?
I am currently Disillusioned
I am listening to Stevie Nicks -