a difference between fulfillment and happiness
08/29/2002 07:21 p.m.

I am learning there is a difference between fulfillment and happiness.

Much of my life I have pursued religion and now I have discovered there is a big difference between faith and religion. For me, I believe, religion (a form, fitting into a form, judging others {to some degree} based on the form, and {I'm just being honest} judging myself and my worth based on fulfilling a form; very nausiating when I realise the people I've hurt and offended). for me religion has been the enemy of faith. often I've chosen religion over faith to the detriment of God's life in me and through me.

When I was seeking to fit into a form I was seeking what I thought would be happiness, but the pursuit of happiness became the enemy of fulfillment

I am discovering that in seeking what I thought was happiness I have damaged fulfilment. I thought if Patricia treated me in a certain way, I'd be happy. when she didn't, I became unhappy. Being unhappy I was tempted to sow to the flesh (to act out of hurt, bitterness, anger) in an attempt to get Patricia to give me (by her treatment of me) the happiness I thought I deserved. And being tempted to sow to the flesh I did --and in a way which I couldn't understand did not result in a greater level of happiness. So I sowed to the flesh harder, more aggresively, and for a longer duration; and guess what --that didn't bring me happiness either.

Well, to the degree, that I trust Christ with my happiness, and seek to be a servant to those around me; I discover a level of peace (because I'm not struggling to get those around me to pursue my happiness). and voila, I discover a deep and glorious sense of fulfillment when people around me have a positive response to my different way of relating.

Now, that I've bragged let me tell you that on some good days Patricia has said she has noticed a difference in me that she likes. But, the truth is it is not such a big difference. But it does result in wonderful fulfilment. So I'm saying that it seems to me that a little bit of energy invested in not letting the little things bother me has resulted in a lot of good feelings and happiness.

I'd love to get together with each of you and discuss this further. One more thing needs to be said. Sometimes when Patricia says something to me I don't like, it causes something in me that is not Christ to manifest itself in my spirit. Seeking fulfillment calls for taking 100% of the responsibility for my own reactions.

If I react in a way that is not Christ that is the log in my eye (Matthew 7). I have thought Patricia's approval (in the extreme way I wanted) was necessary for my happiness. So when I haven't gotten the approval I want, I pray about the log in my eye (well sometimes I do) Father, please form in me a faith that can be at peace when Patricia is unhappy. If I had ever gotten the approval I wanted it would be insatiable, it would block me from knowing God because I would be satisfied, so Father, for give me for ever thinking I could recieve happiness from approval and form in me a faith that rests in your forgiveness and acceptance of me.

So I want to get to the place where when others are inconsiderate, don't listen, mistreat me, judge me, etc I want to get to the place where I'm at peace knowing God's love and forgiveness for me. that way I can respond in a different way which is much more likely to engender fulfilment in me and happiness in others

give me a call, let's get together

let me know how to pray for you, please pray for me

Mike


I am currently Stellar
I am listening to the computor fan