chocolate kisses in a heartshaped box
12/26/2001 02:25 p.m.
One day I'll fall in love. That deep and passionate love with hours long mushy talk phone calls and flowers and stargazing. It'll be a time in my life I'll remember for as long as I live, and if it doesn't work out, what I'll compare every other potential love with. I want that so much. Too eager, yes, too impatient, not really. I've been patient with all these losers who I was so willing to give my heart to that just turned their heads and coughed...
I'm so frustrated with life. With love and the pressure everyone puts on you to find it, and keep it. Holidays are like labeled as the time that my family gets to find out that, once again, I'm alone and looking. Good gracious, I'm only fifteen years old. I feel drained and insufficient. I feel old, beyond my years, and I despise that feeling. That tiredness that only comes with aging. And it's here. I laugh, I act young, yes, I mean I do have my moments. But my soul is old. A rough childhood can't be blamed for that, I don't know what can. I guess my incessant quest to grow up has had an effect on my soul. And only my soul.

whoa, it's too early in the morning to think about this. I guess I'll go mess around with the guitar I have no clue how to play. My fingers hurt and I've only two chords memorized, and I can't even transition. Oh well, give me a year.


gosh, I sound sad. I'm really not. I'm a very joyful person. Mornings aren't mine, though. And it's morning.
I am currently Calm
I am listening to stevie wonder- i just called to say i love you