November 23rd, 2001
11/23/2001 03:58 a.m.
I got up with a feeling of guilt, just now.
I had committed Anne that I would write few lines elucidating the exact idea of my poem-‘Every ascending step is a barrier’. This prick of my conscience did not stop here. Associations brought almost every guilt to the fore, which have pricked me, some time or the other, in the course of my life. I remembered many of my recent commitments, I have made to my fellow poets, of letting them know of my views of their poems, of writing them a brief note on certain aspects of certain phenomenon. The associations also reminded me with guilt of my failure to respond to many situations, as I should have. The associations also brought back to the fore my guilt of dumping a cat from an unbelievable height when I was too young to understand what guilt is. The cat lived despite the drop and Thanks to her it made me ‘live’, thought with the guilt and because of guilt. I am grateful to that cat of my childhood. I am happy that she did not die. She helped me evolve a ‘soul’ in me. Let everybody know that soul is not your birthright. It has to be evolved. I am happy that I have a soul. A dead soul, is it?
Well, the words are coming to me. Anne Howe, please let me have your attention for a while.



A SCENE
I see from one layer of awareness
Is a SCENE
So different on the other
My ascend turns descend
My descend becomes ascend.

There’s an ‘I’
Who sees an ascend as ascend
And rejoices
There’s another
Who SEES the ascend as DESCEND
‘I’ am this
This very moment
‘I” am another, the very next.

Every event is related to every event
The bad leading to the good
The ascend leads to the descend
The descent becoming ascend

Let the process of education go on
Let us ascend to the unseen heights
Let the process of de-educationing continue with the process of education
Let not any step become barrier to another step.


PS:
Anne Howe, you are a courageous woman. And absolutely unassuming. You have a quest. And I am so happy for you.
Jd, and aja and Jackie and every one of you, whom I have committed anything, please bear with me for some time. My external disturbances are the cause of my internal disturbance, not allowing me to act or react the way I want to.

I am currently Detached