November 15th, 2001
11/15/2001 01:52 p.m.
I had five meals yesterday. Two were normal - breakfast and lunch, both at home. The last three were with in a span of two hours. These meals were part of a ritual, I go through every year, on this very day of Hindu festival of Deepawali (Diwali). After witnessing a POOJA, at my office, in the early evening hours, I visit all of my three aunts, residents of this very town. And shall have dinner with them, which they know I will, along with my family, without any confirmation on either’s part, every year. I have been following this routine every year, ever since I have been living in this town, that is, since last eighteen years.
Interestingly the food they serve is more or less the same, item wise and quality wise. A typical Rajasthani (north Indian) meal, extremely rich. I try not to over eat. But for a frugal eater like me, despite my endeavor to not to over eat, I end up eating more than twice my normal diet.
While receiving my family and me they will initiate the dialogues in the same manner they have been since last eighteen years. We shall exchange the same dialogues we have been exchanging for the last eighteen years.
They would invariably ask me if I was coming from the office after performing the POOJA (knowing well that it is so). Then they will complaint for the poor quality of the over all celebration in the current year as compared to the last and I will invariably and immediately agree. They will throw some light on the reasons for the poor quality of celebration, which again I will immediately agree. Its here they will offer me dinner (which they know I will accept) and I will accept (knowing well that they know I will eat with them). While we are having dinner they will complaint of my not visiting them any other time in the course of the year except on this particular evening. I would simply say that they were justified in their complaint and henceforth I shall visit them more (which they know I would not). This complaint of them would always upset my schedule (time table) since I shall have to extend my stay with them by another five minutes (and this is again part of my schedule) which we shall spent in complete silence, as if no dialogues were written for this extended period of the drama since this was the improvisation done by the actors at the spur of the moment. Finally I will seek their leave committing to come back again before the end of the year (which I will not be keeping up, which they know without knowing).
This evening of the year is so insipid, meaningless and ritualistic. But we, despite this fact, all the players of this drama, keep on playing our roles. WHY?
As far as I am concerned, I am trying to maintain the only contact I have with these families, my aunt’s (my fathers sisters) in order to not to hurt my fathers feelings and annoy my other family members. This is the minimal contact I shall have to maintain in order to not to have this non issue (my point of view) to become an issue in my family. As far as they are concerned, I think, their whole life is ritualistic. Every thing in their life seems so ritualistic, fixed and predetermined that some times I am compelled to think that they are no more than a machine (and I am not being philosophical right now).
While returning from my aunt’s house I remembered, one of my Uncles, many years ago, while praising knowledge, asked me- how does one become a good Hindu?
That day, some how I managed to divert his attention from this incomplete question, a question, which can lead you to many impossible questions. While returning home that day, I did ponder on this question. I pondered on the same question while returning home yesterday.
How does one become a good Hindu?
How does one become a good Christian? How does one become a good father? How does one become a good son? A good this? A good that? Etc.
If I had responded to him that day I would have definitely said- no, one cannot, unless one learns how to become ONE
And interestingly the answer lies in the question it self.
How does one become a good Hindu?
The answer is that one has to first become ONE.
And once one becomes ONE, one becomes good and once one become good one is not needed to become anything because one then becomes capable of becoming everything. One would have transcended the dividing lines. One would then have transcended the narrow concept of good and bad.
If the need be, If the situation demanded one will be able to play the role of a good Hindu, a good Christian, a good father, a good son, a good anything.
With the attainment of inner unity one becomes capable of playing any role. A genuine role and not a drama.
With changing selves, changing moods, and all the law in operation, one can never become a good Hindu or a good Christian or a good father or a good son or a good anything.
One is needed to become ONE in order to become good everything.
Oh! Fools of the paradise, wake up.



I am currently Disillusioned