septem 28th, 2001
11/13/2001 05:07 a.m.
It has been virtually 30 minutes and I am still struggling as to from where to start. I know this term ‘struggle’ isn’t the right kind of an expression since struggle denotes some kind of an action where as my struggle has been passive. I was supposed to pick up a floating though and start writing my journal but I found that I was disinterested.
More over there was blankness. A passive kind of silence. A silence without a magnetic field.
I have always been advocating silence. But the state of silence, which I have experienced and I advocate and always long for, is an active state. A silence which produces a magnetic field which can draw data’s from your inner world, transform thoughts into idea’s, which can bring forth knowledge without words, which can transmit and receive messages from others.
One can pick up a word, floating in that magnetic field, and see the result. See the flow of thought associated with that word. The word on its own elaborates into a sentence and a sentence into a Para. This can happen even when all your centers are not properly linked. The quality of these thoughts and writings are different than one writes ordinarily. Early hours of the morning are always better since our mind and body are relaxed. The first and foremost condition for the centers to link is that all your muscles be in a relaxed state.
But despite a much desired seven hours sound sleep I feel blank and passive. Though much better than I was yesterday. I haven’t gone out of my house since last two days. May be I lack impressions. I definitely lack energies.
I also observe a peculiar kind of a disinterest, aloofness inside me. I feel estranged to my surrounding. I do see some thoughts floating through my silence but my aloofness holds me from picking and jotting them down, stops me from intentional elaborating.
This state isn’t new to me despite its peculiarness.This will pass away even if I leave it to the laws. But this time I am not leaving it to the laws alone. Because I have decided to not to let me get lost. I will do my best to not to let me get lost.






I am currently Better