septem 27th, 2001
11/13/2001 05:04 a.m.
I am empty, exhausted and tired but definitely not sleepy though I hardly slept, last night. This is because I was and I am angry. Angry with my self. I am doing my best to turn my anger inwards, to my advantage. I am trying my best to use my anger to push myself a bit deeper so that I feel attached to my external in a detached manner. I am trying to use my anger to get rid of my anger once and for all.
Anger is an invariable reaction when one feels irked by something, which is not of one’s liking. Anger is a CROWD thing. Every person on this earth reacts in anger when he feels irked by a situation not of his liking. An INDIVIDUAL ought to SEE this because he ought to change positions and SEE. When he SEE’s he KNOWS. And when he KNOWS he ought to fight his CROWD.
My anger is owing to my failure. I was angry last night because I felt irked. My CROWD FELT irked. Now I am angry that I was angry. Anger is the same; I have just turned it inwards. As an INDIVIDUAL, I ought not to react. I must stop feeling angry. I must get rid of the violence from inside of me.
I am feeling sad now.
Why every one on this earth gets angry? Why can’t they SEE that it were not their logical deduction to get angry? Why cant they SEE that they just couldn’t hold feeling angry. Why cant they SEE that they do not have any control? Why cant they SEE that they do not have any control over the adverse situation, the cause of the anger? But they all justify their anger as if it was intentional and need of the hour. Why cant they SEE?
Why can’t they stop justifying? Why can’t they fight?
I KNOW they cannot SEE. I know they will keep on justifying. They cannot change or adopt different positions and try and SEE every thing from different angles. I KNOW they cannot get into other layers of awareness and SEE. They are not capable of SEEing beyond what they have been programmed for. They are not capable of programming themselves. They are not capable of deprogramming them selves. They are not capable because they are CROWD and they are capable of justifying their CROWD. They cannot even see that it’s their programming which compels them to justify the crowd and not they. And I cannot even call them a CROWD because they will feel irked and in return call me the same. And in any case my calling them a CROWD wont help them.
They are in a jail and they are not aware of this fact. They are also not aware of the fact that they can only meet the jailor out side the jail and they can only do this by defying the jail. Defying the jail means defying the laws of the jail since one cannot attain liberation unless one is out of the jail.




I am currently Tired