septem 25th, 2001
11/13/2001 04:56 a.m.
She wants me to continue writing my journal.
She thought I needed some kind of an ‘encouragement’.
She was perturbed that I was perturbed.
She wanted to ‘please’ my mood.
And I just couldn’t tell her that I wanted something more than just ‘encouragement’.

There were two reasons I commenced writing my so-called journal. I had always wanted to start my day with this ‘exercise in writing’ since I believe that this helps in improving the quality of concentration. More over, it helps me watch myself in conflict with my other selves in silence, while my body, through my hand (with the pen moving on the paper) tries and connect it self to my mind and brings forth all the available data’s related to the thought of the day, by linking all of my centers. In this process, on the one hand, the thought converts into ‘IDEA’ and on the other, the presence of my presence intensifies, while my internal conflict with my selves helped in attaining inner unity, the most important ingredient in attaining some sort of a WILL in the long run.
The second reason was that that I was basically writing for her. This was, as if I was talking to her, sharing with her and this was the ‘driving force’, which kept on driving me to write, what little and whatever I wrote, despite the external disturbance.

There were two reasons that forced me to discontinue writing. One is that in the absence of a ‘permanent I’, my I’s were subject to the LAW OF CHANGE (also known as the law of HEPTAPARAPARSHINOKH or the law of deviation/ chance/ seven/ eight/octave) which started metamorphosing my enthusiasm into boredom. The other reason was that the ‘driving force’ was not forth coming. She seemed disinterested. Swayed.

I could not tell her that I will defy any law if she kept on providing me the required quantity of the DRIVING FORCE. I WILL is only possible if WE WILL. WE WILL is only possible when she refuses to ‘sway’.







I am currently Reflective