septem 14th, 2001
11/13/2001 02:23 a.m.
Yesterday was a bad day from my perspective in an isolated way. It began, as usual, with my journal writing, which I failed to complete. Acute pain in my shoulders, I think, was the cause. Or was it the cause of my justification of not being able to complete my journal entry? My workers, with whom I was scheduled to work till midday, on my incomplete sphinx construction, did not turn up. I was tired and sleepy and despite this I went to my office in order to complete the draft of the incomplete legal document, which I did not do. I behaved like a dog while reacting on god. I went on over reacting while askingher to not to react. I refused to listen to her despite knowing and despite her pleas that how lonely she would feel if I would not listen to her.I made her sad and ended up in utter sadness myself. My day ended with me playing host to guests who talked and talked non-stop and I listened to them without listening.I can see her sad face. I can see how cruel I become when I speak in a matter of factly tone. I caused her immense pain. And now I am being consumed by the burnt of that pain. She must be feeling so lonely. I can feel her loneliness right inside me right now.But why did I behave the way I did? Why did I lose my patience? Why did I become so heartless? Why was I over reacting?The constant pain in my shoulders can be the cause of my distraction and loss of concentration but not my behavior pattern. The CROWD SITUATION like this (in the wake of the terrorist attack in America) was forcing me ‘in’ all day than forcing me to react.Then what?
I think the frustration is taking its toll.
And I don’t need any God.
I am currently Reflective