septem 10th, 2001
11/11/2001 02:42 a.m.
It was now the turn of my acidity level to shot up. Despite two pills of antacid and a pill for my high blood pressure, my eyes are watery and burning, I can feel every pore of my skin tense and there’s a constant burning inside my chest. My head is heavy desiring to explode in peace any moment. My uneasiness still persists. I was becoming used to waking up in the middle of the night with this feeling of uneasiness up till yesterday but yesterday I just failed to sleep. I don’t know what is happening? I don’t know as to why is it happening? I don’t know as to why am I feeling so uneasy?I feel no charge, no enthusiasm of any kind for anything. I am in a state of acute emotional crisis.In the course of the day, I feel detached to everything including my uneasiness. I keep on performing my outwardly duties, relatively with ease, though indifferently. I keep on playing all kind of roles that is necessary in the course of my day as part of my routine, without much of an effort though in a detached sort of way. I talk, though less. I laugh, when necessary. I entertain visitors. It’s normally from evening up till my mornings that I am in the thick of this crisis. Sometimes I feel like I am in a sacrificial mood.I want my control back, whatever little I had on me. I want to be back on my journey as fast as I can. I want to pronounce my self dead once and for all. I am a bundle of contradictions right now. I lack energies. I lack impressions. I am lacking courage to gather myself together and move ahead on (stick to) my lonely pathless path.
I am currently Depressed