august 28th, 2001
10/28/2001 02:39 a.m.
I woke up a bit early today. Did some mechanical thinking, but did not doze off. Interestingly, I got into conflict with my mechanical selves, though I was half asleep. I saw my attention shunting too and fro, from one mechanical thought to the other, from the present moment to the moments, once alluringly lived.I got really worried when my ‘dozing self’ woke up, as usual, and wanted to doze off, as usual. This made me more cautious, watchful and ‘alive’ but turned my dozing self bitter. My ‘dozing self’ produced a plausible argument-‘ its very cold, get into the quilt and doze off’. Fortunately and happily, in response, I got up, switched on the table lamp, turned off the AC, washed my face, drank my water (from the copper vessel), put on my kurta and thought ‘I must include morning walks along with some light exercises, particularly for my neck and shoulder (as a preventive measure for my cervical rib and spondylitis) as part of my morning routine’.It is 5.48. I am sitting in that Indian posture, my legs tucked under me, partly covered with a quilt, righting pad on my lap, writing what ever I am writing now.There are two things, which are trying to attract my attention. The Sun and a word -'external'. My bedroom verandah opens in the east and I can see the red glow of the sun on the horizon. And the thought is that nothing on this earth will exist without the suns existence. Another thought is that without the ‘externals’ (a constant cause of my distraction) we just cannot survive.I feel that I need to give some thought as to how to deal with my externals so as to not to allow them to become cause of my distraction. I need to give a thought right now. I need tea. I have to drink my water. It is 6.10 and I am walking towards my kitchen.It is 6.30 and I am back into my bedroom without any plausible answer, other than what I already know and which I have failed to apply. Suddenly I am tempted to add-‘so far’. Yes, ‘SO FAR’, I am so happy to add this. I feel so alive and hopeful. Everything on this earth needs impressions (vibrations) from the outer world in order to survive. I tree grows up because of the ‘levity it receives from theSun (and sticks to the earth because of the ‘gravity’ it receives from the earth.)(This levity and this gravity is so different than the levity and the gravity understood by the physicists.) If the Sun shall decide to stop vibrating, there will remain no life on this planet. Besides, we are not aware what kind of other vibrations we are getting from the outer world for our survival. We know that every thing in this universe is so interlinked and interdependent.Similarly, we wont be surviving if there wasn’t an external. Every thing external vibrates and vibrations are food for our survival. We receive this food in the form of impressions. It also helps us transmute the quality of the energies. A bad mood will convert into a good mood just because of a change in the quality of impressions. An intellectual state of mind will turn into an emotional state just because of an impression. What all I can think is of having control. And needless to say that one can nothave control unless one is ONE.” ‘A’ thinks and ‘B’ does just the opposite situation” won’t help. Living in the Moment alone can help us. Action and not reaction alone can forbid the external from causing distraction.
I am currently Reflective