august 27th, 2001
10/27/2001 02:10 a.m.
Why is that I fail to get out of my bed despite waking up at around 5.30, everyday?There’s a suggestion (a self) registered (existing) inside of ME(oh! How many selves this bloody ME consists of), which has associationWith the place and the surroundings, which knocks the doors of my consciousness and wakes me up at the suggested time (and then goes back to sleep – ha! ha! ha! ).There’s another self, who is being woken up from a deep slumber and who doesn’t like being woken up, goes back to sleep. The one who wakes up goes to sleep. The one who is woken up too goes back to sleep. The one who wakes up at 6.30/7, grumbles- ha! ha! ha!.But I shall not grumble today. I shall do my best to trick out my grumbling self today. I am going to try and laugh my grumbling self out.The more ‘I’ grumbles, the more energy I am spending. The more this ‘I’grumbles, the more association this ‘I’ is creating. The more association this ‘I’ creates, the more this ‘I’ would recur. So, its better that I (when I am aware, observant and alive) nip this grumbling self in the bud. ( ha! ha! ha! ).The law of BOREDOM (this is the new name for the law of seven- ha! ha!) wants to have its toll. I am feeling like getting up. I am feeling like deviating from what I am doing now. I shall do my best to defy the onslaught of this law and stick to my journal entry.The law of repetition, clubbed with the law of associations, plays a very vital role in our lives. The more you repeat, the more it recurs. By repetition, the suggestion (self) gets reinforced. By repetition more associations are created.When I started smoking, I smoked one cigarette with a particular person at a particular place (space-time). My smoking got associated with that place and person. That place and person reminded me of my smoking. Since I liked smoking (owing to previous suggestions), I wanted to smoke more. More I smoked, more associations I created, which reminded me more of smoking. After years of smoking I created associations with almost every mood of mine, person, place, sound, color etc., got all this reinforced by repetition.I had to fight back this habit by using the same laws. I had to repeat my fight with my smoking self and win and by wining win all his associations. The ‘smoking associations’ thus became ‘the associations of fight for non-smoking’ and subsequently ‘the associations of non-smoking’ it self. Nothing reminds me of smoking these days, except one day and that is this day, the 27th of august, since I gave up smoking on this very day, last year.How am I going to celebrate this day? By smoking? By not smoking?Well, both have become meaningless now.I am celebrating this day by remembering my fight with my smoking self. I am celebrating this day by resolving to use the law of repetition clubbed with the law of associations, to get rid of the habits-good or bad. Good habit is as bad as bad, since you do not have any control.I am resolving to use this law of repetition clubbed with the law ofassociations, to remember to remember.
I am currently Silly