03/13/2002 09:08 p.m.
...reflecting on the POTD: "inside" by John Bouchard, Jr.

...letting people "in" is something I also don't do easily...my protective Cancerian nature perhaps...even now...deep in a long-term relationship I still instinctively feel the need to protect myself, my interests, my future...I thought that would subside as time passed, but it seems to be a pattern I also use with family and friends--even close friends...but what makes me so damn fearful??...pain...the ample pain I have known, bad experiences I wish I never knew...but if these things dominate me, I am not free...I am coscious of this barrier I have created (no matter the cause), and I am aware need to crawl my way out...hence partial reason for my poem "Closed for Renovations"...for this reason I feel I can relate to this writer...I know those fears, I understand those doubts, I relate to those excuses, and I applaud the writer for being able to put it on paper (and on screen)...
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to my heart