Continuing the process
04/27/2011 04:34 a.m.


The baby cannot feed herself, so the champion eats for her - to the point of obesity. The baby has a flat affect; the little girl is outrageous sometimes just to prove it can be done. The baby is comforted by oddities; the little girl secretly allows this to seep into her reality but never tells anyone. The baby does not protest the scalding bath water; the little girl screams long enough for Grandmother to untangle what the problem is. The baby is broken, not worth feeding or diaper changes or attention. The little girl is not afraid to walk right up to someone kind and ask if she can tag along. The baby is powerless to stop or even understand the emotional distress associated with every day, and eventually becomes numb to cope - to the point of appearing mentally handicapped; the three year old girl grabs an 8 year old tricycle stealer by the collar and yanks him off the trike, scolding the entire time. The baby cannot say "no" to her abuser. The little girl can, and does.

For a long time, I thought the little girl was lugging around a dead baby. Misguided loyalty I suspected.

The little girl has come a long way, and she's brought the baby with her, but where do I go from here? Once safely re-integrated into my whole self, I must wake that baby up somehow. But first the little girl must feel safe enough to come home, too, so that she is finally able to let go, and rest.

Damn.

I am currently: Exhausted
Listening to: dreamtime calling