Numbness
12/29/2010 11:38 p.m.

A strange numbness seems to have taken residence inside me. Other than Keefer and perhaps Atreyu, I feel connected to no one, yet it isn't a lonliness or sadness.

I feel like I'm floating, observing these moments from a great distance away from myself.

I know I need to get a job, so I'm applying. I laugh with Atreyu in his 2 year old perspective. I do the dishes, the laundry, contribute to my son's vast list of household chores. I answer my phone, mostly.

But I don't feel.

And even as I write this, the closest thing to feeling is my sense of "huh." I suspect this should FEEL (at the very least) interesting, but even that level eludes me at the moment.

Meanwhile, I have no idea what this is going to do to my relationship with Adam. He's been incredibly patient, and, again, while I suspect I should feel appreciative, I just don't feel anything. I have been honest with him about where I'm at, and I guess that's good, but it seems unfair. When I seek guidance about it, the message I get is "Sit. Wait." and "Someone is coming to help you untangle this new situation."

Oh, and I've lost 22lbs (most of which was weight I gained while Adam and I enjoyed eating together). Huh.

I am currently: not much of anything
Listening to: some distant urge to get my butt to Worksource