Gurgling
08/16/2010 09:15 a.m.

I’m not through writing tonight. I can feel the words gurgling just under the surface, but I can’t reach them. I have feelings, but they are not ready to surface, and this is a pretty recent thing in my life, to have feelings, but for them not to come bouncing out of the water to land forcefully on my sleeve. Hmmmmm. It’s all quite an interesting process to observe, sort of outside of myself but not.

I had a dream today. At first I was in a small van. We were picking up passengers all over some town that I had recently moved to, and therefore wasn’t too familiar with. I didn’t recognize any of the passengers we were picking up. As the number of passengers grew, so did the van until there were about 20 of us. I distinctly remember one very obese woman, and she took her seat with an enthusiastic bounce that shook the world. An alter me, perhaps. Heh.

I was in the front of the van, but not driving.

After the last passenger had been picked up, the driver made a rather unsafe left turn out of the driveway and into traffic, narrowly missing a large vehicle that morphed, as we passed it, into a school bus. In its attempt to stop without colliding with the van, it ended up at an angle that somehow put its tail end into the lane the van needed. I wondered if there was enough room to go around. There was.

Just a few minutes later, the van pulled into the parking lot of a park. We all got out of the van. I asked someone, “Where are we?” And she answered “Clando Park.” And in my mind, I corrected it to Llandudno. And yet, he, himself, didn’t enter the dream or my awareness. Interesting.

I am regarding my life with a semi-detachment that allows me to look at it without feeling particularly worried about any of it. So many changes are coming. Yet I don’t for sure know any of the destinations or how I’m going to get there. And right in this moment, I’m not feeling in too much distress about the not knowing. This, too, is an unusual response for me, but it feels peaceful, so I’m just hanging out in it.

I am currently: getting ready for bed
Listening to: the ringing in my right ear, which causes me to hear in a left-brain fashion. Hmmmm.