Dear James,
07/09/2010 10:20 a.m.
Sorry I've been so utterly ridiculous these past couple of months. It's not you, I promise. Hawai'i, and Sean, helped me realize something- It's not you that I miss. Granted, I do miss you. I miss your smile and your smell and your energy. I miss your eyes and your tattoos and your "What's up I'm James" attitude.

But I have full faith that we'll meet again at some point- stumbling blind through this city, before my final 18 months here is out, we will run into one another in a cafe or perhaps some darkened street, and laugh and catch up like old times. Even in a town so huge, our souls can find each other. They did it before, after all.

What I do miss is the hope. Really, more than anything, when you entered my life I thought I might have found what I was looking for. I liked you a lot, we clicked- I felt like I stood on the precipice of the love I always wanted. I was excited. I miss that excitement! I was addicted to it, the idea that for now, I had found it in you.

That was kind of unfair to you, but given that you were oblivious to most of it, c'est la vie. I'm not bitter, I'm not upset. I wish you the best, and clearly what's best for you doesn't involve a relationship right now. Don't take this the wrong way boy, but you need to get your head on straight!

I was prepared to accept you, crazy and all, for the chance at the love I've wanted for so long. A mistake? Perhaps. I'm going to grow up anyways, as Ariel says. I might as well do it madly.

But having that hope and losing it in the span of a few months made me realize that it will happen. Obviously I'm an impatient soul who would rather have it sooner than later. All that buildup with no result- thing is, eventually I'm going to meet someone who I'll have that same buildup with. Circumstance won't get in the way. And we'll run wild together.

Ciao, James. I'll see you in that cafe, or on that dark street after we've both had a couple downtown. You're a rare person,
and I hope it all works out for you.
I am currently Nostalgic