Undisciplined
12/29/2009 04:33 a.m.
Self disclosure time. Ok. I guess I mean public disclosure.

I am the most undisciplined person I know right now. And someone said to me, in their quest to help me accept my being just a human and not beat myself up too badly, that it was typical to be that way until someone points the gun at us and THEN we finally move. The "gun" might be a heart attack, or a near death experience, or someone close to us passing away, or a disaster that could have been prevented if we'd only done "thus and so". Of course the person who said this to me was online, and so they couldn't see me when I shook my head. Cuz when the gun is pointed at me, I just shrug and say "Really? Geeeezles, just shoot me and get it over with already." THAT'S how passive I am when it comes to caring for myself. And, lazy.

Quazi suicidal, I know.

And another person pointed out that I'm not TOTALLY undisciplined. Grandma gets fed three times a day without fail, the dishes get done (barely), groceries get bought, laundry gets done, the bills get paid (though sometimes a bit late). True enough. Still, she depends on me, and to let her down would kill me in a different way. But letting myself down? Apparently that's preferable to actually taking some sort of action that might get me ahead in my quest to get shit done.

Well, the planets are all lined up for change, for actually manifesting destiny during this lunar phase. So, I'm taking baby steps to get on it.

*muttering under my breath* "frick'n honesty anyway.....pppppfffffftttttt."

I am currently: Quazi-motivated
Listening to: Escape Unplugged (Native American Style Flute Music)
http://escapistescapism.com/