Owning my pain and beyond...
09/23/2009 02:58 a.m.


A few years ago, I was trying to untangle myself from some pain I was experiencing from some old childhood traumas. Initially, I approached one of the individuals I perceived as "the injurer", a person who'd caused a portion of the injuries, thinking that somehow, there might be healing available in that experience. But what I discovered afterward was that, infact, discussing my present suffering with the person who'd caused the injury wasn't helpful at all, and did not detract from any of the pain I was currently experiencing. This perplexed me greatly.

It was in that moment that I realized I owned my wounds, and, as the owner, the healing of the wound was ultimately & entirely my responsibility, as well as my honor. I also realized I could look for help, I didn't have to do it alone, but....I was the one who had to "do" something to accomplish the healing. No one could do that for me, including "the injurer".

The idea that I "own" my wounds is a concept that has helped me through lots of suffering. Once I own a wound, or, to think of it another way, take possession of it, it frees me to be "in charge" of how it gets worked out. There is no room for playing the victim in that scenario. And I find this to be true, that as soon as I've chosen to take possession of an insult or injury, and taken it personally, and interpreted the experience as "painful", it becomes my responsibility, my duty, and my blessing, to deal with the pain.

So, sure, to be able to take charge of my own healing is a great accomplishement and frees me in many ways. But, I guess I've been thinking, for awhile now, that I'll experience an even greater sense of accomplishment when an insult or or injury has been aimed at me personally, and it simply bounces away from me entirely. Then I will avoid the suffering and/or pain of that person's intention altogether, and THAT is the sense of detachment that I'm aiming for.

Hmmmmmm. Gems and crystals, precious bits of "ah-ha"s. This is the treasure that comes from being human.