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The Journal of A. Paige White 4/23/9
04/22/2009 04:19 p.m.
Well well well...
It's a pretty sad assessment of your state of mind, when your Mom calls to tell you she fell and broke her arm and you're freakin relieved to have something else to worry about for a while. Sad sad sad... I am in one more s t r a n g e mindset. It doesn't bode well cause I think I've got this deep anger thing going on, deep down, way down, somewhere, where trust used to be... and a carefree note after 2 days of nothing.... just don't cut it. just now found a moment... uh huh. sure I buy that. brutal, I feel brutal. I might find a moment to reply in a few days too... or maybe I won't.
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4-22-09 DA Boss is taking us to lunch for admin professionals day.
And I did get beautiful red rose from someone that loves me.
I was so shocked to find yesterday, that I'm experiencing an identical situation with Chip that I went through with him this time last year... and what's worse is that none of the biggies have changed. Nothing has changed even though things have changed.
Still waiting for a call or an email...
over nothing real. Still sure of nothing in my insecurities...
everything's changed
and yet
nothing's changed.
nothing's changed.
slowly dawning on me... obliviously....
nothing's going to change.
unless I make a change. That means taking charge of what I prioritize. Time to sit down in full view of the facts and make a new list of priorities.
I'm obviously farther down on his list than I believed in my heart. His actions and words just don't allow me to ignore it anymore
Nothing's changed. Still waiting
and nothing's really changed except I'm only in his life 2/7ths of the time where it was a bit more before. but not much
nothing's changed.
and then from big D.... a rueful grinning unsought thought for the day... can't believe this...
Thought:
Want a change? Make a change!
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Recovery Prayer
Blessed Father,
I desperately want to change. But nothing changes if nothing changes. If I want a change I have to take the steps to make a change! Today and each day ahead I will make a change. I will make many changes. Lead me, strengthen me and grant me courage. Thank you for removing the spirit of fear and giving me the spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline! In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to what I didn't want to hear, my intuition screaming
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