been a really long time.
03/21/2009 11:03 p.m.
I have not written anything in a long time. I don't even really know what possessed me to write today. I was just thinking about when I was in high school,I kept all my poems and journal entries in an actual notebook, and my mom decided it was okay to read it once (ok twice. once in jr high once in high school) then get mad at me about over everything i wrote it in. and really, i typically only wrote/write when im feeling sad because i need to get my emotions out and have issues actually talking to people about them. she told me i only wrote about the bad. and im thinking DUH when i'm happy im out enjoying it. but invasion of privacy aside, i guess she was right.
anyway, im writing today because im... not sad. just feeling reflective.
im finally in a normal relationship. with a guy that truly likes me. even loves me. and im absolutely ridiculous. its been almost 6 months and i cannot bring myself to say it back. im not even sabotaging this on purpose. i really do care for him. i just... i dont know. i find it hard to accept other people's love. which is ridiculous, i realize that. he's mad at me though. not for the lack of i love you thing, but he hasnt really talked to me since tuesday. im giving him his space, but its just hard. i realize i suck at relationships and everything, but i am 23 years old. of course i want to settle down. get married someday. (and its crazy but i already know exactly what song i want to walk down the aisle to) and its not even him im picturing down that aisle. its still some faceless man and im not really sure what that means.
i dont know. i just wish i could be normal. thats all.
I am listening to pandora