Going to get my guy and bring him home
02/04/2009 09:21 a.m.

We are a teeter-totter, the two of us. His end "letting" things happen; my end "making" things happen. No wonder we go up and down, bouncing and nearly falling off. There is a balance - we simply haven't spent much time there yet.

Today, after reflecting on some rather ambiguous statements that he'd made this last week, and me feeling half-hope and half-foreboding, I just said, "So, what do you hope that coming home will accomplish? What would your preference be about where we're headed? If you could see it exactly the way you'd like it to unfold, what would that look like?" He said, "Well, I'd like to see this be a springboard for our relationship, so we can ultimately keep going." After some more in-depth discussion, I think we've concluded that we'd like to explore it more, see what we might be able to glean from the contrasts of us, each.

At the same time, I cannot compromise some of my basic truths about who I am and how my strengths serve me. I will not weaken my methods for his comfort alone, and I sincerely hope he holds the same conviction. I am not willing to take 9 steps backwards in our relationship, to have to grapple again that excruciating year where our future was not set in commitment. I cannot lose myself, and I hope he feels the same way about himself. This is the danger in compromise.

I heard a bit of wisdom today, of all places, in a sitcom. But this wisdom struck me. A middle aged widow was reflecting on her marriage, and said, "You know, I've always heard that the key to success in a relationship is compromise. I don't agree. The key to success is to find what makes you happy, and then find a partner who loves to see you that way."

Better go get some sleep; I have be up by 6:30 am. Going into this night before our reunion, I feel a sense of peace about letting myself enjoy what the next 36 hours holds.


I am currently Calm
I am listening to Deva Premal, Chitananda