Today
12/04/2008 07:56 a.m.

I skated through most of the day, thankfully feeling very little but functioning pretty well. It's pretty unusual for me to not be processing my emotions right now, but I'm glad, for whatever reason, I wasn't a mushy wad of weeping all day. AND, I actually got out of bed, MADE it, and got the dishes done along the way. So that's good.

He called me, all excited, to tell me he'd found guitar lessons offered by some guy in Hood River on a flyer in the coffee shop where he was hanging out, and how stoked he was to be taking guitar lessons.

Say again?

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but does it seem completely unrelated to where a person MIGHT be focusing their time and energy under the circumstances? I guess he might have been expecting me to congratulate him or something.

I just felt confused.

*taking a deep breath*

I feel unusually detached from the whole process right now, like he's a stranger instead of the person I've spent the last 2 years living with and just a few short weeks ago, planned on marrying. Ok, eventually I'll get over it. But for now...

Here's my focus:

First and foremost, I feel the deep yearning to have the experience of connecting with the Divine right now, God as I understand Him/Her, as well as my guides, etc. I KNOW this is happening for a reason. It would just be way awesome to feel surrounded by the peace and understanding that all is as it should be and never mind the way it "looks" at the moment. Cuz it LOOKS like a train wreck. So, a good dose of meditating and prayer, even if I don't feel it-feel it at the moment.

Secondly, there is an adjustment happening, a tiny sprout of it, and I'm going to tend to it and cultivate it like the beautifully amazing tree it's going to eventually become - gratitude and faith and finding the glass of my life more half-FULL.

Thirdly, with or without Miah, I have a dream....




I am currently Detached
I am listening to the softer side of an ice-cold brain freeze