Don't want to go to bed
12/03/2008 08:33 a.m.

Tonight I go to bed alone. There is that slightly nauseous feeling that something isn't right in my world, that I'm forgetting something very important but for the life of me I can't pull it from the recesses of my consciousness. My head aches from crying. Just thinking of it brings new tears. I'm such a lameass pansy.

He is not answering his phone, which is not like him at all. The obsessive paranoia inside of me insists on imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios, but to edge toward sanity, I quit calling half an hour ago. He could be anywhere, and my worrying about it won't change a thing.

I am taking a hard look at myself; loathing the entire process but certain that if I don't figure this shit out, I'm just going to have to do it again someday, and I'll be even less patient later on than I find myself now. Which is barely patient at all.

Though it would hurt to hear his voice tonight, not next to my ear in our bed like usual, I would endure it for knowing that he is ok...

I am currently Anxious
I am listening to the echo of empty