doors and telephones
10/21/2008 02:34 a.m.
the door is more important then the phone. i stare at the door as i do the telephone, waiting for one to open and the other to ring. somehow staring at the reflection in the window makes it seem like a dream, and not the reality that is there. the light on reality seems harsh and unforgiving. mocking in the way it plays on the grooves in the wood; reminding me of the truth. no one is going to walk through. sitting in the glow of the screen gives me comfort, as no other light can illuminate my seat or my face. this nook in my apartment is my sanctuary from the life i have. the patio sits behind me allowing to peer outside without having to enter the world beyond. my second floor provides for me a view that i do not have to abandon, a view that i cherish. if i could live i might stay, in this computer screen lit world with only a telephone and a tv as links to the rest of it. the comfort of solitude can be as welcoming as it is suffocating. somehow i will myself to focus on the inside and ignore the outside. i am slowly developing a terrifying ability to stay inward while being surrounded by people. the trust in ones-self can be all consuming.