stuff
09/19/2008 02:52 a.m.
I read a good piece of advice today. Either you are compatible with someone or you aren't. If you aren't cut your losses and walk away. Seems I do not do this well. I tend to try to hold onto people whether or not it is in my best interest. I find people that show me any bit of personal affection and take that at face value. Never considering that maybe they are not what I need or even what I want. I need to just stand up for myself, knowing full well who and what I am. I need to say that I don't need you around, I may not even want you around. It just gets lonely, and I get weak. I have tried to make it through this night without a drink, and I am struggling to get to 10 o'clock. I can't focus, and I can barely type. I feel like my left hand is shaky and my brain is on hyper-drive. I just want to slow it down for a minute. Take a breather. I know that I will not sleep tonight if I stay sober. I know that I will stay awake until I am so exhausted that I sleep on the couch. I will finally fall asleep a few hours before I have to go to work, and the cycle will repeat until I crack. My episodes are not a cause but a symptom of my brain. They are the point where I can't function anymore as a regular person, and I completely lose it. I feel crazy. I feel like a volcano, just brewing and brewing until I boil over with nonsense emotion.