you won't let me love you.
09/08/2008 02:46 p.m.
i realized something about him. something i should've thought of a long time ago. i've never met someone who would literally not allow me to love them. he's the first - and what a painful experience it is.

all i want to do is envelope him in my love. i know it's partially the savior/mother complex, because that's who i am as a woman, but he so desperately needs someone to drill through his bullshit and lay it out for him. no one has ever offered to him what i have to give.

i've spent my whole time with him wanting to give him something or do something for him. this is the only thing he hasn't taken or abused. and i know someday he'll let someone in, but god, i wanted it to be me.

it's really discouraging to be denied the ability to reach someone. i wanted it to be me, but i know it isn't and never will be.

he is disappointment, personified.
I am currently Questioning
I am listening to 'lack of color' - death cab for cutie